How to Avoid Divorce
Divorce rates are considerably higher than they have ever been in the history of marriage. There are many factors responsible for the reality that many people simply do not take the steps to avoid a divorce. If you are married and have just heard those dreaded words from your spouse, it’s time to take action if you want to save your marriage from divorce court.
There are probably just as many scatterbrained schemes as there are reasonable and realistic options that you can use to put your marriage back together. This means you have to be aware of ideas that seem too good to be true and to put your focus on choices that you can put into action.
1. Avoid denial. We understand that you’re in shock and the natural reaction may be to want to deny that your spouse wants a divorce. Don’t deny the truth hoping it will just go away and everything will be okay. You need to take action and the first action is to accept that there’s a problem so that you can set about working to resolve it.
2. Assess yourself. This may sound contrary if you are not the one asking for a divorce but an evaluation of yourself is a good way to start looking at what factors may have caused a divorce to come up. Are you the same size as when you were married or have you put on weight and let your appearance slip? Do you take the time to make yourself attractive to your spouse or do you take them for granted. Sometimes divorce can be the result of failing to take care of ourselves which directly impacts how your mate feels about you.
3. Evaluate your marriage. This is extremely important because it is your marriage that is on the line. Have you been happy with your spouse or have the two of you been fighting like a cat and dog? Is there any romance or do you simply have sex as a ritual? When do you spend quality time together without the kids, the dog, the cell phones and the laptops? Understanding what the present state of your marriage has been for the last few months or even years can be a starting point in trying to save your marriage by resurrecting romance, passion, fun and togetherness.
4. Consider marriage counseling. Sometimes the threat of divorce is a cry for help. Your spouse may be dealing with some frustrations and be at their wits end because they’ve tried talking to you and you haven’t listened. Marriage counseling allows both partners to speak about the condition of the relationship and the problems being encountered, all within the help of a marriage counselor who can try to help sort things out.
5. Take an intimacy break. As strange as it may sound, the announcement of a divorce may trigger certain feelings in one or both spouses that are highly aroused and spontaneously filled with unbridled passion. The problem is that these hot moments are not a substitute and it’s very possible that you will find your spouse even more unreasonable afterwards due to feeling manipulated or used.
6. Try praying. No matter what your religious beliefs are, you can try to start out with simple prayer that places your needs before the Creator.
7. Don’t belittle yourself. Once you are over the denial, you may want to beg, cry or threaten your spouse to get them to agree that a divorce is not necessary. This will only make you feel worse when you discover you cannot make them do what you want.
8. Have a lunch meeting just to talk. Try to pick one of your favorite dining spots and agree to meet just to talk. Take the time to listen to what your spouse has to say. The key may be in the words they share with you. Don’t resort to finger pointing or spiteful comments as they will only cause more damage.
9. Express yourself in writing. Sometimes the best way to deal with our feelings is to put them in writing. Saving your marriage may be the same thing. Sit down and write a letter to your spouse and explain how you feel about them, why you want your marriage to work and what you believe the two of you have to look forward to together.
10. Use your heart and mind. Your heart is a brilliant emotional tool. Let it guide you to the positive feelings you